Organization located in the UK

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

Battered Womans Syndrome

In the year of 2004 I was diagnosed with Battered Women's Syndrome. My children were taken away from me at that time for their protection from their father who had not yet stood trial and in order to give me time to heal. Having them torn from me nearly drove me over the edge, I was determined though to bring my children back home to me, it took me 8 months to partially heal. I want others to know that it is a long lifelong process to heal, that this syndrome just doesn't disappear overnight and that continual counseling is needed in order to live a happy life again.

If you know of anybody who might be in an abusive relationship I beg you to please help them get the help they need as soon as possible.

Read the posted link....Be aware---Help save lives.

http://www.mamashealth.com/abuse/bwomensyndrome.asp

A MVD about Emotional Abuse

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RTX6DxJ5G8

Cycle of Violence

Cycle of Violence

Incident
Any type of abuse occurs (physical/sexual/emotional)
Tension Building
Abuser starts to get angry
Abuse may begin
There is a breakdown of communication
Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm
Tension becomes too much
Victim feels like they are 'walking on egg shells'
Making-Up
Abuser may apologize for abuse
Abuser may promise it will never happen again
Abuser may blame the victim for causing the abuse
Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims
Calm
Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
Physical abuse may not be taking place
Promises made during 'making-up' may be met
Victim may hope that the abuse is over
Abuser may give gifts to victim

The cycle can happen hundreds of times in an abusive relationship. Each stage lasts a different amount of time in a relationship. The total cycle can take anywhere from a few hours to a year or more to complete. It is important to remember that not all domestic violence relationships fit the cycle. Often, as time goes on, the 'making-up' and 'calm' stages disappear.

Adapted from the original concept of: Walker, Lenore. The Battered Woman. New York: Harper and Row, 1979.

Definitions of Violence

Common Definition for Violence: Displaying great physical force or rough action or showing great emotional force.

When Domestic Violence is addressed , four different types of violence may be addressed. They are:

1. Physical Violence
2. Sexual Violence
3. Destruction of Property and Pets

Psychological Violence (mental and emotional)

Physical Violence: May include hitting, slapping, grabbing, shoving, pushing, kicking, choking, scratching, punching, pulling, hitting with objects or using weapons in order to cause injury.

Some may think that grabbing is not being violent if they want somebody to come with them, but it is violence if physical force is being used to make someone do something, stop them from doing something or to go somewhere against that person's will. No One is justified in using violence unless it is in self defense even when it takes considerably less force to get away from someone than to engage in a fight, retaliate or teach someone a lesson.

Sexual Violence: Sexual Violence does not occur only between strangers. In fact, a good number of rapes occur between individuals who know one another. When someone forces another person to have sexual intercourse by means of physical force, threats or by use of a weapon, it is considered rape, which is the most common form of sexual violence. Other forms of sexual violence include: Forced sexual activity (oral sex, sodomy, etc.), forced sex with animals, forcing a person to have sexual intercourse or sexual activity with another person or forced sexual activity with objects.

In California, it is now against the law for a man to force his wife to have sex with him. It is called spousal rape and has been prosecuted successfully in court.

Destruction of Property and Pets: This type of violence is the easiest to understand. It includes: throwing objects against the wall, breaking dishes, breaking windows, kicking in doors, breaking television sets or other personal items that are meaningful to somebody, abusing, neglecting or killing pets.

This form of violence can be frightening in that the victim may imagine themselves in the place of the object. The intentional destruction of favorite possessions sends a powerful message to the victim.

Psychological Violence: Includes intense emotional battering on a regular basis designed to keep the victim emotionally dependent and foster a sense of low self-esteem. It includes constant put downs alone or in the presence of family and friends which are aimed at keeping the victim submissive and believing that they are not adequate as a person or capable of taking care of themselves, constant criticism, irrational jealousy, threats of abandonment, control of finances, refusal to listen to feelings, ideas, or allow expression of them, controlling choice of friends, church, social activities, leisure interests and treating the victim in a childlike manner.

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic Violence is the use of force to control and maintain power over another person. That force can be physical, verbal, psychological, and/or sexual. It involves intimidation, isolation and threats.

It is estimated that over half of the women in the United States will experience abuse in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence occurs within heterosexual and gay and lesbian relationships. It happens to adult and teenage women, men, in all races, cultures, professions, educational backgrounds.

Domestic violence usually begins with verbal and psychological abuse and can escalate into physical violence. Often predictable "cycle of violence" is established. The battered usually lives a life of social isolation's. Many abusers are so jealous that they will not allow their partners to participate in any activities outside of the home. An abused person rarely has a circle of friends, their partner may be their only source of emotional support. Therefore, if the partner tells them that they are worthless and incompetent, they are more likely to believe their abuser.

Behavioral Characteristics of Potentional Abusers

People who are abusive frequently show characteristics that may increase the potential for physical violence in a relationship. They are commonly known as red flags:

1. Jealousy: At the beginning the abuser may say that jealousy is a sign of love. Jealousy has nothing to do with love, it is a sign of possessiveness and lack of trust. The abuser may question about who she/he talks to, accuses her/him of flirting. Is jealous of time spent with family, friends and children. Call and drop by frequently during the day to check up on you.

2. Controlling Behavior: The abuser may question why their significant other is late coming home from work, from the store and any other outing, may question who you have talked to, who you saw. May force you to request permission to leave the house. Controls the finances, will not allow you to make personal decisions about clothing, how you wear your hair, etc.

3. Quick Involvement: Many abused victims know their abuser for less than 6 months before they get married, engaged or live together. He/She comes in like a whirlwind, claiming things such as "you are the only person I can ever talk to" or "I have never felt love like this before". The abuser may pressure the other to commit to the relationship before she/he is ready.

4. Unrealistic Expectations: Abusive people will expect their partner to meet all their needs. Perfect wife/husband, mother/father, lover, friend. You might hear: "if you love me, I am all you need".

5. Isolation: The abusive person tries to isolate the victim from outside resources. The types of isolation are no phone, no access to a vehicle, not being able to work outside of the home.

6. Blaming Others: Abusive individuals frequently blame others for their problems and feelings. If the abuser is unemployed, it is because "someone is out to get me", "someone is always doing me wrong". They blame others for their mistakes or for upsetting them.

7. Hypersensitivity: An abuser is easily insulted and claims that his/her feelings are "hurt". They may consider the slightest setbacks as personal attacks and will rant and rave about injustice, even when experiences events such as getting a traffic ticket or being asked to help with chores.

8. Cruelty To Animals Or Children: Abuser may be cruel to animals and insensitive to their pain or suffering. Abusers may expect children to be capable of doing things beyond their ability or he/she may tease children until they cry. Children may not be allowed to eat at the dinner table or leave their rooms when the abuser is home. Studies indicate that 60% of men who beat the women they are with, also beat the children.

9. Use Of Force Of Sex: Some abusers use extreme physical force during sex. He may want to act out sexual fantasies in which the woman is helpless and may find the idea of rape exciting. He shown no concern about whether the woman wants to have sex and uses anger to manipulate her into compliance. He may initiate sex with the woman while she is sleeping or when she is ill.

10. Verbal Abuse: In addition to saying things that are cruel and hurtful, the abuser may degrade the woman by cursing at her or belittling her accomplishments. He may tell her she is stupid and that she can not function without him.

11. Rigid Sex Roles: The abuser expects woman to service him and make the woman stay home. That she must obey in all things, even criminal acts. The abuser sees women as inferior to men, stupid and unable to function out side a relationship.

12. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: Many women are confused by their abusers sudden change in mood. One minute he is nice and the next minute he is exploding. Explosiveness and moodiness are typical of people who beat their partners.

13. Past Battering: An abuser may admit to hitting others in the past, but "they made him/her do it." Relative or ex-spouses may also discuss past abuse. With time a batterer will beat any woman his is with.

14. Threats of Violence: Threats of physical force is used to control the woman, "I will break your neck", "I will kill you", "I will kill our children", "I will harm your family members". Most people do not threaten their mates, but a batterer will try to excuse the threats by saying "everybody talks like that".

15. Breaking or Striking Objects: This behavior is used to punish or terrorize women into submission. The abuser may beat on the table with his fist or throw objects around her. This behavior indicates extreme emotional immaturity. There is great danger when someone thinks he has the right to punish or frighten another person.

16. Force During Arguments: The batterer may hold a woman down, physically restrain her from leaving the room, push or shove her, or hold her against a wall and force her to listen to him.